


Abuser

by Bladesilverred



Series: Unification [4]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, F/F, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:22:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21773647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bladesilverred/pseuds/Bladesilverred
Summary: Blue Diamond reflects on their treatment of Pink.
Relationships: Blue Diamond/Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe)
Series: Unification [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1541746
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	Abuser

**Author's Note:**

> This one's angsty again. I really wanted to touch on Blue and Yellow's relationship with Pink and how it wasn't the most healthy. It's also probably not very canon, but I tried!
> 
> This fic has been sitting in my drafts for exactly a month now, as I was debating whether or not to post it. I finally thought eh why not. It's not my best, but I hope you enjoy if you do decide to read. 
> 
> Small headcanon that all the diamonds can head physical injuries.

Blue Diamond sat on her bed, atop wrinkled periwinkle sheets. The duvet, a deep sea blue was wrapped tightly around her shoulders, her light hair sticking to the silken surface. Large rolling tears streamed down her face, rivers carving their way on well-worn tracks. 

Her aura bathed the room in blue, with it pulsed her deepest emotions. But the room was empty, no other eyes but her own would overflow with water. She sighed, the action irritating her sore, tight throat. She was miserable, and all alone in her despair. 

She had sent her Pearl out, with instructions that no one was to disturb her. No one was to know where she was. In Era 3, the diplomat had promised that she would not make other gems cry. A promise that was once easy. What was there to cry about? With the addition of Steven, the new changes, and the information that her beloved Pink wasn’t shattered after all. Blue felt lighter than ever. Her gem thrummed with happiness, and she spent her free time with Yellow, Steven, or sometimes White. They were happy. 

It was short lived. 

On a trip to Earth, Steven had introduced her to the concept of family. At first, the revelation was wonderful. She, along with Yellow and White, were something of parental figures to Pink. The idea, although now bittersweet, tickled her. They had loved Pink. 

Upon her return to Homeworld, she had excitedly told Yellow. The general was not as pleased with the idea, saying that if they were parents, they had been terrible ones. She was right, of course. Yellow had never been one to sugarcoat her words. 

It had hurt, to hear the truth. That they were terrible to Pink. Awful. To a gem they had loved so. It wasn’t their fault, Steven had once tried to reason. They hadn’t known better. They hadn’t known how to love. 

But the knowledge that she had hurt Pink so deeply that she had left, faked her own death, to get away from them left a terrible mental gash across her gem. She had cried for days, locked herself in her chambers and sobbed. Like old times. 

Yellow had come to see her. She always came, whenever Blue needed anything. They cried together, talking about Pink and how they treated her. It had helped ease the pain, just a bit. To know that Yellow was there with her, in her pain, in her regret. But the moment the golden gem left, the pain returned at full force. 

Maybe Yellow shared the blame with her for the way they treated Pink. But Blue was supposed to know better. To be attuned to emotions, in ways that Yellow never was. She had known that Pink was hurting. She had known and made her suffer anyway. 

Using her aura on her, locking her away. Even ignoring her desperate cries for attention when she had none other. Blue had Yellow. Yellow who would drop everything the moment Blue needed her. Yellow who was always there, to dry her tears, to protect her, to love her.

Pink hadn’t had such luxuries. She had had her fellow Diamonds, but they were always so busy, so occupied with expanding and bettering their empire. So obsessed with the rules that they had locked Pink away and shattered any gem who dared to step out of line. They were ruthless. They were powerful. 

They were successful. They had thousands of crystal system colonies. Billions of useful gems, all with their own purpose. 

But they were miserable. Pink was miserable. Blue and Yellow were miserable. Their faithful gems, who dared not ever speak out were miserable. 

When they received the news that Pink was shattered, Blue had collapsed in grief, not able to rouse herself for cycles. She had wondered, looking up to the stars, why this had happened to their beloved Pink. Why fate had taken her away from them. 

Now, over six millennia later, Blue knew the answer. She wasn’t taken away from them. She had left them. She had left them out of her own free will. Rebelled against their tyranny, their oppressive rule, their maltreatment. 

Blue’s tears begin to quicken to waterfalls. Her thick white hair began to glow and whip about in the air as her emotions swirled around her. Her mind settles on a new word. One she had learned in her research about family.

_Abuser._

Sobs rip out of her throat, tearing through the tightness. She hangs her head, letting the word weigh heavily in her mind. 

_I am an abuser,_ she thinks, _and I abused Pink. I used my powers on her, on anyone I pleased. I emotionally manipulated and shattered gems. I deserve pain. I deserve to feel what I inflicted on others._

A chill ran down her form, and she shivered. She brought a trembling hand out of the blankets, untangling herself from the warmth. 

Blue looks down at her slender hand. The hand that could summon orbs of depression to fling at an unsuspecting foe. The hand that hurt so many beings. 

The hand that had shattered hundreds of gems. 

Her vision grows blurry, her tears obstructing her sight. She spreads her fingers, and they look wavy through the tears. 

_How can I ever begin to right all the wrong I’ve done. How can I make up for everything I’ve done?_

A smaller voice in her head tells her she can’t. She had done too much, hurt too many gems. 

She clenches her hand. An action that makes her feel powerful. She is a Diamond, her hands have the strength to shatter gems. 

Holding on to the powerful feeling, she adds her guilty conscious. It’s enough to give her the push she needs. 

Her fingers grasp at the edges of her gem. They fumble for grip on its smooth surface. Blue grunts in frustration, but she won’t give up. She knits her eyebrows together, gnashing her teeth.

Finally, her fingers catch, and she feels searing pain. Tighter, she grips her gemstone, until her form is about to give. Then, a crack. 

Blue gasps in pain, releasing her hold. More tears slide down her cheeks, this time from the pain. Her aura recedes as her powers weaken. 

Bearing her teeth in a snarl, she tries again. This time, her fingers barely brush her cracked gemstone before she yelps in pain. 

She swipes a hand roughly across her cheeks, annoyed at the vision blurring tears. A whimper escapes her lips in frustration. She raises her hand, ready to try again.

But just as her fingertips touch the cracked gem, a noise startles her. The door. 

It hisses open, bringing in light from the hallway. Blue squints at the bright light.

“What are you doing in here? I haven’t heard from you in cycles,” comes the commanding voice of Yellow Diamond.

“Y-Yellow?” Blue mangages, her voice shaky. 

“Blue, what’s wrong?” Yellow’s voice is now concerned, urgent. She peers into the room before rushing in. Without thinking, strong hands are wrapping around the crying Diamond, a reflex. 

The embrace draws a cry from the azure gem. Yellow pulls away, searching her lover for the source of her pain. Her amber eyes settle on the indigo gemstone, half hidden behind a loop of hair. 

“What happened?” Yellow whispers urgently. Confused.

“I am a monster,” Blue mumbles back. Her vision grows spotty as her strength wanes. She feels her body being lifted up, but she’s too weak to protest. She feels wetness drip on her head and looks up in surprise.

It’s Yellow. Streaming from her golden eyes are tears that seem to glow. Her expression is unreadable, nearly blank. But Blue knows better. She can see the sadness in the general’s eyes. For a few moments, she loses herself in those eyes.

But Yellow closes them, and Blue is lost. 

Then, painfully slow, Yellow leans her head down, tears still dripping from her closed eyes. She bows her head, the sharp points of her pristine hair brushing past Blue’s glistening cheeks. 

Blue watches with wide eyes as the golden gem places her full lips gently on her gemstone. She shivers as the action stirs intense emotions in her. 

Yellow lifts her head up slightly and Blue can see a sliver of space between her lips and her gem. The cracked stone begins to glow, as tears wash over the surface, sliding down to her hair and robes. Then, with a flash, the jagged line zips shut. 

A sigh escapes Yellow’s lips and more tears flow down her face. She steps back, sitting on the giant bed. Her grip on the azure gem tightens and her head bobs down to plant more feather light kisses on the perfect gem below her. “You’re not a monster,” she breathes, her voice low and husky.

It takes all of Blue’s willpower to move her shell-shocked form, bringing her arm to cup warm cheeks. Yellow turns her head, kissing her palm. 

“You healed me,” Blue finally speaks, wonder in her voice. So many thoughts swirl around in her head, and she tries to find the words to ask how.

Yellow simply nods, still holding her head close to the mended gem. “Why do you think you are a monster?” 

Blue’s head falls slightly forward at the question, bumping into Yellow’s. “I hurt so many gems. So many gems have been shattered...Pink.” A sob escapes her lips, blowing a tuft of flaxen hair. 

“We did many things, all of us,” Yellow says, nodding. “But that’s in the past, Blue. We have to move on.”

“How?” Blue’s voice is pleading.

The general is silent for a moment, thinking. “By doing the right thing from now on,” she says finally, looking up. “We can’t change the past. We can’t destroy all the bad things we’ve done, as much as I’d like to. It isn’t possible. But we can try to make amends with the gems we have left. We can try to be kind rulers now, merciful and just.”

“That won’t make up for what we’ve done. I--I should be shattered for what I did.”

“No.” Yellow’s voice is hard as she turns to meet cerulean eyes. “No, you shouldn’t.”

“But--” Blue begins.

“We are changing,” Yellow interrupts, “We can’t be forgiven for what we’ve done and we can’t undo our mistakes, but we are changing. We don’t hurt gems anymore.” 

“I don’t know how to bear the guilt.”

Golden eyes find hers, locking her in with a gaze. “I don’t know either, Blue. I don’t think it will ever be easy. The pain will always be there, as a reminder to not make the same mistakes.”

Blue sighs, curling up in strong arms. She nestles her head next to the gleaming gemstone one Yellow’s chest. She traces the edges, making the stern gem gasp quietly. “We won’t make those mistakes anymore. We won’t continue to hurt our gems,” she says resolutely.

“No, we won’t.” Yellow leans her head down again to place another reassuring kiss on her lover’s gemstone. Blue puffs her chest slightly, raising it higher to meet Yellow’s lips. They touch for a moment, before both their forms begin to glow. 

Moments later, a single being sits where the two Diamonds once were. She opens her emerald eyes. A few seconds pass and she sits, embracing herself with four strong arms, letting herself feel love and safety. Then, she shifts her weight up, standing on two boot encased legs.

“Let’s start with an apology,” she announces to the empty room before taking giant steps toward the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
